Friday, April 13, 2007

Now, Cluck Like A Chicken

Killer Snow Storm Hits!
The national weather service forecasted a major snow storm with accumulation of 3 to 7 inches. The scene outside this morning was anything but that shown here. Apparently, the storm moved some 100 miles south, leaving us dry.

When I was in college, there once was a stage hypnotist performing. He had a group of students, all performing various feats. They all did that "cluck like a chicken" stunt. That girl that I had the unfortunate and embarrassing crush on put her pet Martian in her blouse. There was this one guy that was given special instructions, and sent back into the audience. When the name "Fort Lewis College" was mentioned, he jumped out of his seat, ran up onto the stage urgently shouting that there was a killer snow storm on the way, and that we all had to evacuate the college immediately because our lives were in danger. It was immensely hilarious. Whenever the weather service forecasts a killer snow storm that doesn't happen, I think of that stage hypnotist and the dramatic post-hypnotic suggestion. They may have got me to put my boots on, but they didn't get me to drive the 4WD.

Let's see who else is clucking like a chicken.

Imus' Wife Clucks Like A Chicken
Hate mail being directed toward the nappy headed hos should now be re-directed to Imus. If Al Sharpton has his way, Imus will be clucking like a chicken for the remainder of his natural life.

Snoop Dog Refuses To Cluck Like A Chicken
Rapper Snoop Dog explained that his use of the H-word, the N-word, the B-word, the other B-word, and of course the F-word was all due to a racial double standard. Black rappers have the obscenity license, but dirty old white men must cluck like a chicken.

Sean Hannity Clucks Like A Chicken
Describing the Snoop Dog lyrics on Wednesday's Hannity & Colmes show, Sean Hannity repeatedly used the "bleep" word. In explaining his difficulty with using the "bleep" word, he reverted to using terms such as H-word, N-word, B-word, and F-word. I feel the urge to cluck like a chicken and refuse to use the W-word, I mean W-W. Shit. I mean S-word. I mean S-W-word. S-W-W.

Sanjay Clucks Like A Chicken... again
And so does American Idol judges. And the fans. And the anti-fans. Rumor has it that "Sanjay" means "sits down to pee."

In the papers...

Paul Wolfowits Clucks Like A Chicken
After being driven from the Bush administration on conspiracy theories, Wolfowitz is now being driven from the World Bank presidency.

N. Korea Refuses to Cluck Like A Chicken
In spite of repeated requests, condemnations, sanctions, pleas and other lame hypnotic attempts, N. Korea will not disarm it's nuclear weapons.

Local High School Students Cluck Like Chickens
The school has decided to use strategic paint colors to program the students to cluck in calm blues and greens, rather than excitable, violent oranges and reds.

Dolphins Cluck Like Chickens
The Navy has programmed a group of dolphins to cluck like chickens whenever they see mines or seaborne terrorists. No word on what they taste like.

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