Tuesday, January 31, 2006


I probably don’t need to apologize for not posting much lately. Seeing as how only random visitors read my blog anyway. The truth is that I’ve been busy getting my state sales taxes straightened out, which means getting the rest of my accounting straightened out. And I’ve just been fatigued, depressed, and not really sure what I want to do when I grow up. I know, I’m 42. I’d like to write about some of the fascinating metaphysical stuff that I’ve been finding. At the same time, the politics and the war really bug me with the way so many moonbats keep blaming everything possible on the president. And I’m not so sure if my metaphysical friends would understand how I feel about the politics, and I’m not sure if any potential political allies would appreciate my metaphysical interests. I guess that’s just one of my life’s missions.

You know how in the X-Files, how Mulder would always go visit his mom at Martha’s Vineyard. I never knew where that place was, or if it was real. I suspected it was real, ‘cause I’d seen the name in other places. It turns out that Martha’s Vineyard isn’t a real vineyard, but it’s an island off the coast of Massachusetts. And there’s this little island right next to it called Chappaquiddick. They’re connected by a little sandbar that gets flooded over during storms, and the only way to get across is by 4-wheel drive. So they have a ferry that goes back and forth called the On Time Ferry, which only holds three cars. And once you get to Chappaquiddick, the place is tiny. There’s only one store, that’s also a mechanic’s garage. It only has 150 residents, but somehow 450 houses, the rest of which I suppose are rented out to vacationers or time-shared or something like that, I don’t know. And these people think of themselves as their own little country, separate from America, which isn’t really a country, but a pair of continents that has several countries, one of which is the USA. But that’s not the point.

Well, there’s this senator, Ted Kennedy. I found out that this Senator Ted Kennedy is actually the brother of president John F. Kennedy. That’s right, the one that got shot in Dallas, and caused all those conspiracy theories. And his other brother, Robert, got shot too. I guess having that much tragedy in the family could make some people go crazy. I understand that JFK’s wife, Jackie lost it and went and did some weird stuff. But I’ll have to go read about all that some other time.

So this Senator Ted Kennedy started drinking. I mean, a LOT. And like most alcoholics, he denies it, and refuses any kind of help. And the guy’s big. I mean ENORMOUS. Maybe it’s the alcohol or something, ‘cause I don’t think it’s genes. His other brothers, Jack (what they called JFK), and Robert never got fat. All this, and they still let Ted Kennedy be a senator for some reason. I think maybe there’s a lot of people that had similar family tragedies, and sympathize with him, so they keep electing him senator. Which is really unfortunate, ‘cause we don’t need a nation of losers being run by a congress full of losers.

The connection is that Senator Kennedy made Chappaquiddick Island famous one day. They were having some sort of frat party political drink-a-thon sort of thing there one day. This was back in 1969, by the way. And Senator Kennedy, drunk as a skunk, went driving off with some hooker. They called these girls “boiler room girls”, which sounds like hooker to me. Except instead of prostituting themselves for money, they prostitute themselves for some politician’s campaign.

And, drunk as a skunk, with a political hooker in the passenger seat, Senator Kennedy went driving off of a bridge into a canal. He said he dove into the canal to save the girl, then rested on the bank, then went to call his lawyer. I’m not sure how successfuly a big lard-ass like that could dive into a canal to save a girl from a submerged car. Blubber floats doesn’t it? That’d be like a 10-foot cork trying to dive. It ain’t gonna happen. It wouldn’t surprise me that he got all out of breath and had to rest on the bank either. But when they pulled the car out, there wasn’t any water inside. Not enough to drown someone. And I’d think that the girl would be able to get the door open herself. For some reason, they never did an autopsy to find out whether she drowned, or suffocated.

The whole thing was real, real suspicious. Maybe that’s just another of the family tragedies that made Ted Kennedy go crazy, and drove him to drink, and get fat. Fatter. I don’t know what physical condition he was in at the time.

Alito Confirmation

Fast-forward 37 years later to the present day. There’s this judge, Sam Alito, that they’ve been trying to get appointed to the Supreme Court. Well, here’s Senator Ted Kennedy, making an ass of himself, ‘cause he and some other liberal and democratic congressmen don’t want Alito confirmed to the Supreme Court. Instead of just voting against the confirmation, and letting the votes speak for themselves, they gotta pull a bunch of stupid stunts. First, they drill Alito on anything they can come up with, put words in his mouth, don’t let him answer the questions, even though he answered the questions anyway with a lot more wisdom than the senators that were posing the questions. They even threatened to filibuster, you know, where they read from War And Peace, from recipe books, phone books, and other nonsense just so nobody else can talk.

Why don’t they want Alito on the Supreme Court? As near as I can tell, it’s ‘cause they’re afraid he’ll reverse Roe vs. Wade. That’s the decision that makes abortion legal. Senator Kennedy was only pro-choice after Roe vs. Wade; before that he was pro-life. That’s like when I was a kid, and didn’t care about football, I would root for whichever team was ahead.

Abortion is one of those fringe topics that only affects a select few people. I hate to offer an opinion on abortion, because whichever side I take, someone will hate me for it. I have a certain sympathy for the unborn soul that has it’s life prematurely ended before it ever got started. It sounds a lot like my computer career. But I would have to say that abortion is one of those procedures that we should be grateful for, but on rare occasions where it really serves a positive, useful purpose. Abortion should remain a legal option, but I would strongly urge pregnant mothers and doctors to consider all possible alternatives before opting for abortion.

Over at Moonbattery.com, Van Helsing tells about how Senator Kennedy rants that all hell will break loose if Alito is confirmed. Of course by now, he already has been confirmed. But he says women will be force-aborted en-masse, slavery will be re-instituted, cub scouts will carry out the works of terrorists, dogs and cats will be living together. He says he’ll eat a baby for every vote to confirm Alito. He threatened to roll around on the senate floor, and throw a temper tantrum. Whenever I behaved like that, I was sent to my room without supper. Yet, for some strange reason, they still let Ted Kennedy be a senator.

This isn’t the first time that Senator Kennedy has attempted to harass a Supreme Court nominee out of confirmation. Apparently, he said the same things when Robert Bork was appointed in 1987. I can’t find who was saying it, but some other blogger was saying that this sort of Supreme Court Appointee bashing goes on when these lib-o-crats can’t get their way, and they’re afraid that it’ll upset the political balance of the court. As if the court has to be exactly half liberal, half conservative, at all times. What if the views of the people shift toward the right because more people see what a nutcase Kennedy and his liberals are? I don’t know, but I’d say that dogs and cats living together doesn’t look all that bad after all.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

New Year's Anti-Resolution

I don’t normally make New Year’s Resolutions. I think that resolutions should only be made after a dramatic, life-changing event, or a transition from one phase of life to another. Such as resolving to never pass a cop after being pulled over for speeding when you passed a cop. Nevertheless, I feel that the past three months have been a lot of hard work, leading up to the big Christmas shopping season, which actually paid off a tiny fraction of the work that I put into BazaarMart.com. I’m real tempted to make a positive, life-changing resolution. I wanted to resolve to give up the sarcasm, or maybe just cut back a bit, but the folks downtown at the Denver Newspaper Agency are making it real hard.

Some donut-head in marketing decided to make a Christmas gift of free newspaper subscriptions for us newspaper carriers. So instead of a list of New Year’s Resolutions, I’m making a list of reasons why I don’t want to subscribe to the newspaper that I deliver.

  1. I already read the comics while I’m waiting for the truck to show up at the warehouse with the front-page section.

  2. I’ve got a whole warehouse full of newspapers that I can take one home from any time that I want.

  3. I can steal a sample from one of those forcibly subscribed “customers,” and they’ll probably thank me for not delivering it.

  4. I can read the left over paper that I don’t deliver to that guy that never picks it up and builds a pyramid in the corner of his porch.

  5. I don’t want you putting my name on your list of people that you’ve “previously done business with.”

  6. I don’t want you calling me telling me that you’re giving me a free newspaper anyway.

  7. I don’t want you giving me a free sample paper without calling me.

  8. I don’t want you selling my name to one of your “associate companies,” whoever they are this week.

  9. Last but not least, I see more damned newspapers every single night than I care to see in an entire lifetime, and the last thing that I want to see when I get home is yet another newspaper in my driveway that some other carrier delivered.

  10. And one more just make it an even ten, I don’t want to have to get mad and threaten the other carrier, because I know that there’s nothing he or she can or would want to do about it, and even if I did, I would probably lose my job if not go to prison for murder, and they’d still replace the other paper carrier with someone else the very next day.