Sunday, July 23, 2006

Killer On The Road

I guess I won’t write much of a blog this week. I’m too upset about too many things, the mideast war being just one of them.

Route Terrorism
I’m convinced that someone downtown has been intentionally entering bogus complaints on my record, just to deny me my $40 bonus every paycheck, and fatten the accounts of the Denver Newspaper Agency. Maybe I should hire a private investigator to figure it out. Hell, I should just take matters into my own hands. Maybe I should just sue somebody for fraud. I could call one of these people and verify the complaint. You can tell that my clarity of thought is compromised. Which, of course, results in more complaints, due to lack of concentration. The vicious cycle snowballs out of control.

They also entered a bogus subscription, just to keep me off balance. “Trojan, Sheik, & Bogusmann” sounds to me like some made-up customer, maybe because the first two names are those of condom manufacturers. Anyway, I don’t see how every single publication that I deliver would be subscribed too at the address of a construction site. The day after the construction workers yelled threats at me, the number of Wall Street Journal Subscriptions at this “customer” was increased to ten. Sorry people, I’ll only deliver enough papers that I can throw out the window with one motion without stopping. Just in case they try to ram my truck with a forklift or something, I’m arming myself. I already told two managers about this, and my instructions are to continue to place myself in a dangerous situation for the newspaper agency’s benefit.

All that lost pay has been adding up. Or should I say, “subtracting down”? Apparently, I’ve been bouncing checks, the cable company has been threatening me, I’m losing money each month. I’ll just have to borrow more money, and ratchet up my credit payments.

So, how can I handle the chronic complainers?
  • I could deliver extra papers to make sure they get their paper.
  • I can hit their door with the paper and wake them up.
  • I can kick their door real hard, and make sure they wake up.
  • I can dump their newspaper out and scatter it all over their doorstep.
  • I can fill their newspaper bag with urine.
  • I can throw the newspaper through their window.
  • I can throw a rock through their window.
  • I can slash their tires.
  • I can build a potato cannon and launch a potato through their window.
  • I can soak a potato in gasoline for a week and launch a flaming potato through their window.
  • I can build a pipe bomb and throw that through their window.

Hamas Implodes
The PLO elected terrorist group Hamas for their leadership. Then, they’re too busy plotting the destruction of Israel to actually pay the people in their so-called “government.” Now, those people are rioting, crying, “We’re hungry!” Hamas is too greedy, too self-absorbed to be able to run even a tentative government. One thing the soothsayers got right is that the Palestinians are going to have to sort out what they need to do to create a workable government.

Bee Attack
I got stung by a bee. Damn thing. I was just minding my own business, throwing the paper route, and the bee came into my truck and stung me for no reason.

As above, so below.

The liberal peace-niks want to call for a cease-fire with Hezbollah. UN ambassador John Bolton said in no uncertain terms that you can’t negotiate a cease-fire with a bunch of terrorists. If a bee stings you on the road, you smack it, and go home. But if bees build a nest on the eaves of your home and keep coming through the window stinging your family, you don’t call for a cease-fire; you call in an exterminator and get rid of the bee’s nest. Condi Rice also rejected the possibility of a cease-fire. The terrorists just can’t be reasoned with.

More War News
I keep the TV turned onto the news most of the day. The coverage of the mideast crisis non-stop. I seriously think that Fox News suffers some sort of OCD. Before this started, Hannity & Colmes had become the “Duke Lacrosse Rape Scandal News Hour.” After that was the “Natalie Halloway News Hour.” Now the news all day is the “Israeli-Lebanon War Coverage Channel.”

One useful bit of information that came out of this was that these Islamofascists want to create war as a means of bringing forth the Islamic Messiah, the “tenth Imam”, and bringing about the end of the world. I suppose so that they can all go live as happy little dead Islamofascists in heaven with their seventy-two virgins. I could never understand how that works. Do they get to deflower the seventy-two virgins? That makes for seventy-two whoopies. Then what? Once they use up the seventy-two virgins, then they’re as good as married. Seventy-two times over. Which is like being in hell. Multiplied by seventy-two.

More Players
Last week, I forgot to add some important players to the list.

Iran supplies the rockets, the inspiration, the funding, the training, and the tactics, even the terrorists to Hezbollah.

China builds the rockets that Iran modifies and sends to Syria who supplies Hezbollah.

1 comment:

AlabamaGal said...


I am a previous paper carrier from Alabama.

Oh, how I can relate to your blog! :)