Friday, June 03, 2005


In today's headlines, Sun Microsystems announced plans to acquire Storage Tek. From my experience of getting the short end of the stick in corporate acquisitions, I'll tell you how it will be. 32,000 employees plus 7,000 employees equals 32,000 employees. The other 7,000 will be down at the DNA competing with me to deliver newspapers to the other 32,000. That's what happened when Sun drove Solbourne Computer out of business. That's what happened when Aspect Development acquired Cadis Inc. It was an obvious move to eliminate the competition, and acquire the customer base, while all the former Cadis employees were suddenly no longer needed, nor employed. And when Rogue Wave Software went out of business, it was only a year or two before that I was among the first where they started cutting expenses. Well, sorry your jackass manager couldn't decide what she wanted me to do. For the record, Gail King, you promised to let me work on DBTools.h++ for three months, just two weeks before you "fired" me for poor productivity. I hope that helped fatten your golden parachute, Jack Iacabucci. I see it did Ms. Carly Fiorna a lot of good to run HP into the ground. Some $22 million to get fired. Woohoo! For a cool $22 million, I'll go wreck some computer company. The high tech industry is really on fire now!

Overheard while folding newspapers this morning, another carrier asked the manager, "So, we don't get the special bags for the Financial Times anymore?" The answer, "They only give us what they think we need." And when somebody else runs out of bags, they'll steal the bags off of my bench, and leave me with none. It's like a teenager trying to convince his friends to indulge in drugs, sex, or alcohol: "C'mon, everyone's doin' it!" Even the managers encourage this. I asked where to get more bags from, and they said "Just take some from someone else's bench." Well, if they're going to be like that, I'll just take mine home with me whenever the box runs out. I'll keep my own private stock. It doesn't matter if I only deliver two Financial Times on my route. A couple of extra packs in my garage should last me maybe three months. And those other guys can bite me when they can't find any more Financial's bags, and I won't give them any of mine.

And for that guy in the blue Volkswagon that butt-sniffed me, er uh, tailgated me all the way down Arapahoe Road, I'm sorry I almost smeared the front end of your car when you tried to cut beside me into the turn lane. Okay, I'm not sorry. I did it on purpose. I gotta turn too. And I don't feel like racing this geriatric 220,0000 mile truck against you. But if I can get you to wreck into me, it'll be your fault, and I can get your insurance to buy me a new vehicle.

Okay, time to confess. The reason I'm so angry is because I'm all hopped up on DHEA. I take it to help out with the adrenal fatigue syndrome, which I get because I have to get up at 1:00 AM every morning, and don't get near enough sleep. The DHEA not only bolsters the adrenal glands, but it also increases the testosterone levels. I know this personally because, boy do I get a bad case of the erections. The heck with all this Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra bullcrap. DHEA is $5 / bottle, and over the counter. I've sure been needing this for a long time. But, shhhh... keep it as our little secret. Just keep the road rage and whatnot under control, okay? Go sign up at with a premium membership, and I'll get you some knives, and leather jackets, and maybe some hunting equipment at near wholesale prices. I just need to finish this last assignment for my class, and get to work building up that business. I'll see you there.

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